your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
