Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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