So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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