You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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