I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
