p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
