he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
