I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
