after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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