I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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