At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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