whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fuck appropriateness.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
