dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
