Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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