Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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