I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
