Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
