Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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