I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
