I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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