got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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