No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
