What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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