I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
