So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
