when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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