I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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