I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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