i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
