The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
