i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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