the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
