I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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