oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
