that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
