I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize