I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
