Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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