Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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