erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
