Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
