I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
