just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
