I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
