I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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