Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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