U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
