I feel great
I just peed on a car
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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