This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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