Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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