I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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