rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
