she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
