Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
