Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
