just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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