is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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