mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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