wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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