Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
