Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
