yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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