Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
