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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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