In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
