Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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