1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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