Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
