last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
