yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
