She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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