I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
