I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize