Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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