you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
