im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
