It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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