Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
